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The Subtle Joy In Not Finding The Right Outfit

Finding the lesson in hating my outfit.

Alyssa Hardy

May 16

I have to admit something. Although I strongly suggest and ultimately always try to shop my closet before buying things new, I find it challenging to do. I love clothing, and I LOVE to put together an outfit that feels new and meets a moment. Last week, though, I think I found a lesson in trying to balance both sides of myself, and I want to share it with you.

I had some work events that were exciting but highly stressful. It was a scenario where I didn’t need to be fancy or dressed up like you would for a wedding but I needed to look professional (anyone remember how to do that?). In my head, I had an outfit worked up that fit the moment – black flare pants with chic loafers and a long brown boxy blazer. Picture a modern version of an outfit worn by a 1970s reporter who goes to a diner after getting a lead on a big story. It was specific, simple, meaningful, and something I could not let go of.

Mary Tyler Moore via Getty Images

In my closet, I had the pants and the shoes. A pair of black bell bottoms from Abercrombie and Fitch are still in my drawer as leftovers from my days as a waitress years ago. I also had the black, slightly platform loafers that I received as a gift from the brand Koio. I could easily wear a black tank top underneath ... I have several of those. But the blazer? Not a brown one in sight. At first, I thought I could compromise. I have a green vintage blazer with wide shoulders that might have worked, but it wasn’t giving me the feeling I was hoping for when I put it on. I also have a black tuxedo jacket, but it just felt so formal. None of it was correct, and so I was going to find the brown blazer elsewhere.

Before I started shopping, I set some ground rules: no online shopping and nothing new. That shouldn’t be that hard when you live in a city like New York. There is a vintage or consignment shop every half-mile … easy enough. Reader, let me tell you that for a week, during various breaks or walking home from a meeting instead of taking the subway, I visited 11 vintage stores in three different boroughs and found only one brown blazer. It was stuffed in the back of a rack at a shop in the Lower East Side, and when I saw it, I leaped toward it. It was the right color, but the thing was that it was cropped with big fluffy shoulder pads. I put it on and walked around the store a little bit, trying to convince myself that after searching so long and not finding what was in my head, perhaps I should compromise and get this one instead.

But that felt like a waste. So, I put it back on the rack and decided that the outfit in my head just wasn’t meant to be this time around. Here’s where the lesson came in.

I was disproportionately upset about not completing the outfit. It had no real impact on my life whatsoever, but for some reason, it was such a let down. This told me that my disappointment was probably not about what I was wearing, but probably more about the idea that if I put it together, I would have a win and an endorphin hit in an otherwise stressful work situation. I could focus on the hunt and the outfit, not the high stakes of the work that needed to get done. A classic deflection and absolutely not the healthiest way to spend money or time. (Or buy something that I was ultimately not going to wear and end up giving away).

READ MORE: Despite Current Trends, Y2K Style Was Pretty Basic

On the positive side, I also found that not allowing myself to Google search made looking for the blazer more of an adventure than a simple transaction. I got to explore my city in a new fun way, and see how these vintage shops curate their pieces. In some cases, vintage is a stretch when the entire theme of the store is pretty much 2004…

I think fast fashion and the ease of a search can make us feel like we’re owed exactly what we want, when we want it. But just because I thought about it doesn’t mean I actually need it - and now, if I ever do find it and get to wear that outfit to something else, it’ll be that much more interesting. Besides, the outfit I ended up wearing instead was pretty cute, and I spent 0 new dollars on it.

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Thank you for reading!!

This Stuff is a newsletter by me! fashion journalist, Alyssa Hardy. Three times a week, I unpack the ways our clothes impact the world through news, essays, interviews and more. Subscribe for free here and follow me on Instagram, Facebook and Twitter.

You can preorder my book "Worn Out: How Our Clothes Cover Up Fashion's Sins" here.

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