I have to admit something. Although I strongly suggest and ultimately always try to shop my closet before buying things new, I find it challenging to do. I love clothing, and I LOVE to put together an outfit that feels new and meets a moment. Last week, though, I think I found a lesson in trying to balance both sides of myself, and I want to share it with you.
I had some work events that were exciting but highly stressful. It was a scenario where I didn’t need to be fancy or dressed up like you would for a wedding but I needed to look professional (anyone remember how to do that?). In my head, I had an outfit worked up that fit the moment – black flare pants with chic loafers and a long brown boxy blazer. Picture a modern version of an outfit worn by a 1970s reporter who goes to a diner after getting a lead on a big story. It was specific, simple, meaningful, and something I could not let go of.
Mary Tyler Moore via Getty Images
In my closet, I had the pants and the shoes. A pair of black bell bottoms from Abercrombie and Fitch are still in my drawer as leftovers from my days as a waitress years ago. I also had the black, slightly platform loafers that I received as a gift from the brand Koio. I could easily wear a black tank top underneath ... I have several of those. But the blazer? Not a brown one in sight. At first, I thought I could compromise. I have a green vintage blazer with wide shoulders that might have worked, but it wasn’t giving me the feeling I was hoping for when I put it on. I also have a black tuxedo jacket, but it just felt so formal. None of it was correct, and so I was going to find the brown blazer elsewhere.
Before I started shopping, I set some ground rules: no online shopping and nothing new. That shouldn’t be that hard when you live in a city like New York. There is a vintage or consignment shop every half-mile … easy enough. Reader, let me tell you that for a week, during various breaks or walking home from a meeting instead of taking the subway, I visited 11 vintage stores in three different boroughs and found only one brown blazer. It was stuffed in the back of a rack at a shop in the Lower East Side, and when I saw it, I leaped toward it. It was the right color, but the thing was that it was cropped with big fluffy shoulder pads. I put it on and walked around the store a little bit, trying to convince myself that after searching so long and not finding what was in my head, perhaps I should compromise and get this one instead.
But that felt like a waste. So, I put it back on the rack and decided that the outfit in my head just wasn’t meant to be this time around. Here’s where the lesson came in.
I was disproportionately upset about not completing the outfit. It had no real impact on my life whatsoever, but for some reason, it was such a let down. This told me that my disappointment was probably not about what I was wearing, but probably more about the idea that if I put it together, I would have a win and an endorphin hit in an otherwise stressful work situation. I could focus on the hunt and the outfit, not the high stakes of the work that needed to get done. A classic deflection and absolutely not the healthiest way to spend money or time. (Or buy something that I was ultimately not going to wear and end up giving away).
On the positive side, I also found that not allowing myself to Google search made looking for the blazer more of an adventure than a simple transaction. I got to explore my city in a new fun way, and see how these vintage shops curate their pieces. In some cases, vintage is a stretch when the entire theme of the store is pretty much 2004…
I think fast fashion and the ease of a search can make us feel like we’re owed exactly what we want, when we want it. But just because I thought about it doesn’t mean I actually need it - and now, if I ever do find it and get to wear that outfit to something else, it’ll be that much more interesting. Besides, the outfit I ended up wearing instead was pretty cute, and I spent 0 new dollars on it.
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Thank you for reading!!
You can preorder my book "Worn Out: How Our Clothes Cover Up Fashion's Sins" here.
